The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
