I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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