Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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