if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
