Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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