he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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