let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
