remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
