Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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