jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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