just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
