oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
