First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
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She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
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Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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