The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
