i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
