It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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