Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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