I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This is classic penis vs brain.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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