I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
