just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
