Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
