I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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