I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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