More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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