Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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