It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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