I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
