Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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