Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
