All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
