In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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