Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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