is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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