Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
