I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
