So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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