My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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