Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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