its not stalking. its research.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
