I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
not ubering you a puppy
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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