he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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