so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
