So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
