ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
and you said cock pushups were impossible
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
