I just saw a hot homeless man
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
