the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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