Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he thought i was a dude.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
