Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
