Do you still have your period?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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