it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's rum buckets o'clock
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
