at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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