it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
