I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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