I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
