'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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