I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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