chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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