some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
