there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
