WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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