Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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