the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
