Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Holy sore nipples Batman
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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