Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
