I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
