Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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