so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
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Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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